a catalog of voices

one surreal aspect of being unemployed for the past several months has been overhearing Ulrich on conference calls with the same co-workers who used to be both of our co-workers, but are now just his co-workers.

sometimes i get slightly irritated by the timbre of his voice and the volume with which it ricochets through the apartment. his conference call voice is a distinct and separate voice from the one i’m accustomed to when he’s talking just to me (although he does occasionally use his work voice with me too, usually if we’re discussing something which requires analytical brainpower). incidentally ulrich also says that my voice at work was intimidating and somewhat bossy; apparently i took on an “executive tone” which he could recognize from a mile away.

over time i have come to learn that a catalog of voices lives inside me which roughly match up to my various emotions, impulses and moods. among them are a shrill, hyper voice and a deep, throaty, smoker’s voice and a sarcastic, flat voice and a tender, coaxing voice. and then of course, there’s also my executive voice - a bit bolder and sharper from the outside than it typically feels coming from the inside, if i remember it correctly.

now, having gotten to know both ulrich’s and my own twin commanding voices, i find it particularly miraculous that, on remote conference calls back in 2016 (before video meetings became the norm at our company), Ulrich and I heard the exact yearning-to-connect voices which would draw us to each other from across the ocean, instead of the bossy-leaning ones which now occasionally repel us from each other into opposite corners of our shared apartment.

Photo by Matthias Wagner on Unsplash