Ulrich’s daughter Greta became a vegan about two years ago, a decision which Ulrich (half-jokingly?) laments whenever we go out to eat with her because, having had celiac’s since she was a child, she also cannot tolerate gluten. while gluten-free vegan food can easily be found in some cities, Greta’s picky taste adds another layer of complexity: she hates mint, for instance, ruling out many vietnamese dishes, as well as cooked carrots, eggplant, zucchini, and in certain contexts, uncooked tomatoes, in addition to various other spices and herbs (though none as fervently as she hates mint!). before Greta was a vegan, back when celiac’s was her only dietary constraint, she would order butter chicken at the local indian place and gluten-free pasta or pizza at Vapiano’s, and that was that.
although it’s been a couple of years since her diet change, greta has only recently become more outspoken about veganism as a moral philosophy, lifestyle, and political statement. she has been trying to persuade her mother and her sister to finally give up eating meat, and Ulrich and I to switch George & Pippa over to vegan cat food (i told her we would consider it if she could introduce us to a vet who could vouch that it was safe). she joined a vegan discord server which regularly invites non-vegans in for spirited debate over their competing ethics. i see greta becoming sharper and more honed in her argumentation, her knowledge on the topic growing ever more thorough and nuanced than before. and paradoxically, i also see that, the more eager and fluent greta becomes in expressing her veganism, the less appealing it sounds to those of us who she is trying to persuade.
as a vegetarian who once spent 6 months as a vegan (i lived in nyc back then - easy peasy!), i tend to empathize with many of Greta’s arguments - although admittedly, my personal reasons for vegetarianism have more to do with a vague gut feeling than principled reasoning: i believe that people should only eat the things which they would be willing to (hunt / harvest / kill) with their own hands - or, at a bare minimum, they should be willing to watch their food go through the various stages of its preparation (including death) before it lands on their plate.
but somehow, as a vegetarian, and even back when i was a vegan, i’ve always shied far away from asking others to reconsider their eating choices. i am not sure now if that hesitation was borne of shyness or moral cowardice, or a little bit of both: it somehow felt more important to share a pleasant meal with someone than to engage them in a way which might make them defensive. but i see that, for Greta, it’s almost the opposite: it bothers her deeply to see us making inconsistent food choices when she knows that we care about animals, too. and to her, our inconsistency is personal: when she got upset at her older sister for a few hours during their last overnight stay after Anneliese revealed a stash of white chocolate bars in her bag, i peeked a glimpse of hurt simmering beneath her stubborn scowl. for Greta, the consumption of any animal products - and even the keeping of animals as pets - is exploitation akin to slavery (as she recently explained to me in the WhatsApp group chat we share with Ulrich & Anneliese). i wish i could reach out to Greta and tell her, gently, that how she tries to convince us is as important as the why. but somehow the words get stuck in my throat, partially because i don’t know how to say them eloquently in german, and partly because i’m not sure she would appreciate hearing them.
greta's "-ism"
I sometimes wonder how I'll handle this aspect of parenthood – it feels so tricky realizing I won't have a "right" answer to tell my child for many paradoxes/hypocrisies of modern life… or that they won't listen anyway haha
Thank you for sharing!
I was vegan for 6 years and never tried to influence others but hoped my behavior would be a model. After I quit being vegan, megan started, and like Greta went through a period of vegan domination. After an in-depth conversation, she admitted that she just feels it all so deeply and is so impatient with the world for not getting up to speed. So I relayed to her that that’s how I feel about safe streets and dangerous driving (why we started an advocacy group). My point to her was that we all have a “thing” that affects us to our core and we want to change, but we choose how we try and change the world. And we have to choose wisely otherwise it backfires and we just ostracize. It’s admirable and loving that you want to help her....I love that..